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Ever since sophomore year in high school, I was completely head over heels for a guy named Chris. We had a pretty amazing friendship filled with laughter and including the fact he knew I liked him, but that never pushed him away which made me like him even more. Few things happened that ended out friendship, but even that drama was not forever because we became friends again. And then he moved back to his hometown. I will never forget the day he left because he texted me this very long message trying to apologize for the way he hurt me and this and that, I cried so much that day its ridiculous. We did not keep in touch, a while past by and from one day to the next we started talking again, just catching up and topics of the sort. Then came his gf that i had no idea existed and basically said to never text Chris again. Being the person that I am I cut off ties but started talking to him again. We continued to talk in secret and in all honesty probably talked in ways we shouldn't have, But he's been the guy I have always liked so I looked past all the wrong. One again I got a text from his gf and probably a few times this happened. Point is, regardless of his gf Chris would tell me things that now I look back and wonder if they were true or not, what was the point of him giving me so much to hold on too, when he is someone else's.  So much goes through my head that I cannot ever fully explain our situation. one thing is for sure, I would do anything for him just because he asked me, I feel that I love him that much. Although I know I shouldn't trust him including the fact that I'm scared to trust him. I should not believe a word he says. All I want in this world is to be able to go up to him give him a big ole hug and pretend everything is okay between us, like in the past. But its not, so many things happened that hurt me so much. Including the fact that I'm so insecure, that something must really be wrong with me, because I wasn't worth enough to protect, and I can't handle that all over again. I want to feel like im worth something, I want to feel safe. The reality is he scares me more than anything.